BUILD UP
A cold and drizzly day.
Yours truly had not originally been included in the squad for what was scheduled as one of our most demanding “Red Light” games. I was informed that this was because I’m sh!t. I believe they were referring to my recent stomach virus illness... However, with Sabi falling ill the day before the game, I was drafted in and ventured to Finsbury Park in trepidation. This stemmed not only from the above mentioned difficulty rating of the opposition, but also the fact that the weather was more reminiscent of a rainy early February day, rather than the middle of May. So, all the early talk was of the importance of winning the toss and making certain that our captain knew to insert the opposition should he be successful – he has history, you know. Fortunately, he did and ten shivering Villagers with a shiny new cherry in hand took to the field. Only ten because Hayles realised that with Ireland injured for the whole of this season, someone had to be an hour late; so he took one for the team.
PACIFIC’S INNINGS
Inspired captaincy?
With the Pacific top three rumoured to be in great form, it was important that the opening bowlers started well. Our captain made an unusual decision and left Aussie pace man, Lyneham, waiting in the wings – perhaps to give him a chance to stop being a girl and learn not to be afraid of the ball – and instead turned to veteran Villager, White, to partner him with the new ball. It wasn’t long before it paid off with the Pacific openers struggling to get White’s gentle left armers away with the lack of pace on the ball. Roy, forced to go after Bowman’s pace bowling, was caught at mid-off by Hussein. There was much rejoicing as this was the first catch a Villager had managed to hold this season – we’d played two already. This early success was quickly followed as White managed to bowl an even slower ball than usual, causing Webley to drive too early and present debutant, Boa, with a staggering second catch for the Village. Unbelievably, we had Pacific at 7 for 2 off of 6 overs!
A short lived fightback.
After this amazing start, there was a lull as Pacific fought back to prevent a Village-esque collapse; blocking out the next few overs. Then promising Welshman, Evans, and Most Improved Player hopeful, Lyneham were brought into the attack to break up this blossoming partnership. At first, it appeared that Lyneham would not be able to get up to his usual fearsome pace due to the slippery run up. However, in his second over, with his footing feeling more assured, he was the first to strike. And what a strike! With his pace ramped up to full, Bennett appeared not to even see it as the ball speared into his stumps, leaving them in shatters. Shortly after, the second opener, Hollman, who was beginning to look dangerous, went for an aggressive hook and feathered a top edge through to the impressive Morgans, behind the stumps.
The Old Guard would be proud.
At 30 for 4, the Pacific were rocking and Bowman handed the ball to new man, Boa. On his very first ball he had Haill caught smartly by Harty at point, and he didn’t stop there! He proceeded to tear through the lower-middle order single-handedly. He accounted for Parkinson - caught brilliantly (considering he only has one eye) by Lyneham, who then bizarrely threw the ball towards the boundary and did his best impression of
Shefki Kuqi – and Gleadow, trapped in front by the left armer’s swing. It was 7 for 59, a score the Village has seen on more than one occasion. Our celebrations tempered, as the veterans of the team relived past horrors in their mind’s eye.
A battle of the captains.
With his team in dire trouble, Smith stood up and pulled his team back from the brink. He stubbornly withstood all of our best efforts to wheedle him out. Bowman worked his way round our bowlers, but to no avail. Smith and Korgaonkar put on 28 and looked like they were going to turn it around. The runs were starting to flow for Smith and 40 minutes of toil in the freezing outfield and the intermittent showers followed. I do not know if Korgaonkar is an Aussie, but he appeared to share their superstitions about 87 runs. This was the Pacific’s score as our captain ended the resistance with a beauty which pitched on a perfect length and left the left-handed batsman to smash into the top of the off stump.
The child prodigy returns.
Bowman quickly skittled Brown also, bringing in Pacific’s 11th ‘man’; a 9 year old boy. Lyneham was bowling at the time and there was fear for the child’s safety - especially as Harty was present (not to mention Morgans, but that’s for different reasons). The field tightened and Lyneham shortened his run-up. These were both mistakes as the boy flayed first the Aussie and then Bowman himself around the park. He even had the confidence to attempt a Dil Scoop against our bemused captain! And with this audacity, the Pacific innings came to an end. It had looked at one point like they wouldn’t complete their allotted overs and reach 100, but with some gritted determination from their captain and some technically superb flair of their child prodigy, they posted a score which many a Village team has failed to reach; 116 for 9 from 40 overs.
VILLAGE’S INNINGS
An early wicket.
After an excellent tea and a round up of the current World Twenty20 scores, Harty and Hussein strode to the middle to start our reply. It started well with Hussein throwing caution to the wind and smashing every ball that came his way. Harty was playing his way in and this appeared to be the wise decision as Hussein played down the wrong line and was clean bowled. This brought Morgans to the crease. A man tired from keeping wicket and, more importantly, urgent to knock the runs off as quickly as possible as he had to get to Cambridge that evening to attend a dinner!
4s, 6s, a new hat and public self-abuse.
Harty now had his eye in. He began taking apart the bowling, hitting 4s to all corners. But even this was not quick enough for the impatient Welsh Dragon. Having hit the highest score in Village history recently, 115, he was feeling confident. The runs were coming quickly now as the two men raced each other towards 50. There was much cheering and laughter on the sidelines from the on looking Villagers. However, these were not coming for the boundaries. We were distracted; the bemused cheers were for something else. Welshmen are often stereo-typed as being peculiar. To any that refute that, Morgans’ strange behaviour when running between the wickets didn’t help their cause. He had recently bought a new cricket hat and, for a long time, he refused to remove it while batting. Time after time it fell to the ground behind him as he scampered through for a quick single. This alone is not that strange you may say. It was not alone. Every time he took a run he was not only holding his hat on with one hand but was also desperately clutching at his crotch with the other. After much discussion as to whether he had contracted some genital infection, it was discovered that although he was wearing two pairs of underwear, both were loose fitting. This meant that he had to hold his cup in place while he was running. We did offer to pay for the 9 year old’s counselling.
The finishing line and The World’s End.
With the score at 102 for 1 and only 15 more runs to share around, it looked as though Morgans was going to prevent Harty from scoring a half ton, as he was hogging the strike and scoring freely himself. Perhaps with this in mind, Harty then cynically ran Morgans out on 48 to ensure his own 50 was posted.* This happened in due course when Hanson, in at 4, hit singles at the start of new overs to allow the big hitting Harty to take us over the finish line. He attempted a big hoik for 6, but fell just short and ended on a 4, taking us to 119 for 2 with only 21.4 overs of the 40 gone. So, the shadow of the hammering we had taken in our previous game, two weeks before in Cambridge at the hands of the college that gave birth to the club, was well and truly blown away. The remnants of the two teams, (Morgans had left for Cambridge, Boa had opened up a bad cut on his hand at the end of Pacific’s innings and had gone for stitches) made their way to the nearest pub that showed the Twenty20 cricket. It was fairly clear that Pietersen had somehow been watching Morgans and Harty as he tried his best to emulate them by taking the game to his countrymen; those pesky South Africans, with almost as much success.
*Disclaimer: this is a complete lie.
POST MATCH
Man of the Match.
This is quite a difficult one as there were many great performances. Morgans raced to 48 and was also immaculate with the gloves, Harty top scored, and Bowman started it all with the first wicket and took 3 in total. However, a debutant who caught Pacific’s number 3, removed the middle-order, and took one for the team with a hand-splitting stop of the ball, has just edged it for me. With a staggering economy rate of 1.86, his (provisional) nickname seems rather apt. I have decided to award it to Matt ‘Constrictor’ Boa.
Village Idiot.
No-one earned the tag of Village idiot for poor performances, there were none. First of all, an honourable mention to Hayles for turning up half way through Pacific’s innings – Mav would be proud. But, it has to go to Morgans for his bizarre running with one hand holding his hat and the other firmly gropping his crown jewels – MJ would be proud.
