Sunny, getting extremely dark later. Good pitch, tiny boundary as per.

 A recap of what happened when we played the Strollers at Crouch End in 2007 on the first game of the season:

• David Ireland turned up late.
• One batsman performed way beyond his (and everyone else’s) expectations and hit a rare VCC hundred with huge drama in the 90s. Thanks to some middle order support, we made 280.
• Everyone ate too much tea.
• Someone on our team cabbaged themselves in a fairly horrific manner by getting a ball in the eye.
• KP bowled at the start then came back to brutalise some terrified tailenders.
• Despite a vigilant half century from one of the Strollers they finished about 50 odd short.

So there’s not much point penning this report given we could just swap the names from the last one, but here goes....

To Crouch End then, for a repeat of the 2007 fixture. The outfield, somewhat uneven. The pitch, terrible-looking but surprisingly flat once you got to bat on it. The opposition, old favourites the Pimlico Strollers. Their new line up was stronger than the 2007 vintage thanks to the addition of perennial VCC bowling tormentor Harsh Joshi and pacy but erratic opening bowler Connell.

KP won the toss and lost no time in choosing to bat. A decent track, a sunny day and a ground the size of a postage stamp – time to cash in. Someone probably should have told Bomb and Hindle, who were back in the hutch in double quick time. Hindle clearly thought he was still in the Oval nets as he charged down the track to the off spin of Holmes and was comprehensively stumped. Bomb faced four in a row from Connell that barely landed on the cut strip before he came round the wicket and delivered an inswinging yorker to take out off stump, which was a bloody devious plan if you ask this author.

Morgs and the newly-promoted Ek in, and sod all runs on the board. Unusual for the Village to have its customary collapse quite this early in the season (as fate would have it, we actually waited till the second game) but it was certainly on the cards. The two of them set about a brilliant repair job – Morgs playing much more in the ‘V’ than usual and clipping some fine shots through fine leg, Eklavya mixing elegant drives with a couple of customary flicks for six to the admittedly short boundary on one side.

Meanwhile, David Ireland had arrived with Bomb’s camcorder, which will be a constant presence this season as we attempt to make our video diary. It’s rubbish, said the Maverick Equine fanatic – the battery’s flat and there’s hardly any tape left. Indeed it was only when Bomb got home that he realised DI had decided to record his thoughts on the upcoming game, and indeed life, the universe and everything else, while driving to the ground. Undaunted, DI did his best Richie Benaud impression while recording the action, if Richie Benaud hadn’t known a) Where the teams were playing, b) What was going on during the game itself and c) What the fielding positions are.

Out on the field we thought it was all a bit too good to last, and lo and behold the Strollers unleashed their secret weapon in the form of a small child. Given his previous, Morgs would clearly be out soon – but no! Instead he began to unleash a series of reverse slogs and sweeps upon the poor child that could only have come around from watching far too much IPL. As the Strollers’ wicketkeeper pointed out, he clearly wasn’t going to make a Facebook friend with that kind of attitude. As everyone else pointed out, lucky child.

In fact the first to go was Gupte for a composed 44 (I can’t quite remember how). So in came Littlejohns with runs on the board and a flagging attack. It’ll stun regular Village followers to discover he made an unbeaten 50 with a superb array of shots - as commented upon by the crowd of bitter (non-batting) spectators, they included the cut in front of the square, the cut behind square, the cut through the leg side and the reverse cut.

Meanwhile Morgs had avoided the perils of losing his wicket to the child and was closing in on a deserved 100. Last time around Bomb had been on 96 and hit a 6 off the last ball of the innings to bring up the ton. This time Morgs was on 96 when Connell knocked his stumps over, to shrieks from the attending WAGs. However, they hadn’t looked at the bowler’s end, where the Risen Christ had extended his holy arm. It was a no ball, and the very next ball was put away through extra cover to bring up the 100. There was just time for the returning Saul Reid to remind everyone what we’d been missing with a golden duck. On the plus side, he’d only travelled from New Zealand to produce it. We closed with 5 runs more than last time, and went off to eat a superb tea. This one was far from in the bag.

Connell and Richardson walked out for the Strollers, Connell packing a Mongoose, which is about as much of a declaration of intent as it’s possible to make short of not wearing any pads. P-Ly and KP opened up in customary fashion, the Australian bowling at an excellent pace but spraying it all over the shop and racking up the extras, KP being his usual parsimonious self and getting all the rewards. He trapped Richardson in front before Connell dragged a shorter ball onto his stumps. And so it was that his ‘goose was cooked (c. John Lucarotti).

Of course the Village’s problems were just starting, because the always-excellent Joshi walked to the crease and instantly made the attack look almost as pedestrian as it actually is. Bomb was sliced over point to the short boundary for six, the Risen Christ was crucified all over the park and an increasingly exasperated Louse was clubbed onto the roof of a neighbouring hut with such vigour that its roof was broken. At the other end, Morgan and then Betts were providing stoic support, and the Strollers were probably favourite. To cap it all, the catches were going down left right and centre as the visibility got much worse and the ground appeared even smaller: Saul dropped a tough one, Bomb didn’t even see his (though he did hear it crash into the bush about a yard from his head) and Marrow put down an incredibly tricky chance.

It wouldn’t be unfair to say the game now hinged on one decisive delivery. A superb bit of bowling from Eklavya, who held his nerve despite being hit for six by Joshi – he tossed the ball up, gave it a rip, and bowled the advancing batsman through the gate. With Joshi gone, the rate once again began to rocket, and a combination of KP, Saul and Ek closed the match out. There was just time for a horrible injury, as Lyno failed to see the ball at gully and attempted to catch the ball in his eye socket. No serious damage done, but a trip to A&E for the poor chap who’d had, in his own words, ‘an absolute **** of a day.’

To the bar for beers and recriminations, and a few drinks to celebrate an excellent start to the season. All that remains are the awards:

Man of the Match: Honourable mentions for KP and Ek’s bowling, but Morgs easily claims it for what we hope will be the first of many tons.

Village Idiot: Late, thinks every position is mid-on (apart from mid-on), sustained a season-ending injury already playing the game others like to call ‘woolly-balls’, there’s no question on this one. Well done DI.

Honourable mention: Saul for a) Coming from NZ to play and b) Donating a ‘most improved player’ trophy to the club. He did bowl very well this game - some would say his best performance for the VCC thus far....